I decided I didn’t want to be a Christian anymore. Years of pornography addiction and a battle with undiagnosed depression that whole summer of working at the church camp left me spiritually exhausted. I figured that if I just gave in I could get some relief. So I quit. I shunned my Christian coworkers and used my words to belittle and hurt them. They tattled to my boss, the camp director. He and his wife pulled me aside and I told them I wanted to quit and go home. She looked at me and said “there’s such a hardness in you that has never been there before.” He said “take the rest of the day off and think about if this is really what you want to do.” I ran from them as fast as I could, down the path that led to the rim of the canyon the camp was built on. I was just going to keep running. Blinded by tears I hit a tree and collapsed against the trunk. As I lay there sobbing I heard a still, quiet voice say “I love you.” That was it, the war was won. I was His, then and for always. It still took a 10 month battle to overcome my addiction, and a 13 year battle to realize I had a problem with depression and get help, but He has never left my side through all of the battles.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: