Alone. Empty. Forgotten. Not seen or heard. Not good for much besides physical labor, so I thought. That was me in a nutshell before coming to the end of myself; pleading with God, meeting with Him, then accepting Him as Lord of my life.
I accepted Jesus as Lord of my life one evening my junior year of high school, outside of our church, waiting to be picked up by my parents. I attended church with my family on Sundays and if it worked out, we would go to youth on Wednesdays. But something was missing – actually, a lot was missing!
I was done. Done trying to be good enough. Done reading, memorizing creeds and scripture etc., just to “pass” and be accepted. And to be completely honest was about done with it all – life – and working on the family farm… farm accidents happen all the time, no one would really know. Except He would. But I was afraid and didn’t really want that. I just wanted to be loved, to matter.
In desperation I pleaded with God to save me! To be Lord of my life, to forgive me of my sins, to love me, to help me.
He did immediately! He reminded me that He died for me because He loves me! I would never be alone again. So started our personal relationship together. Through the Holy Spirit the Bible came alive to me, it meant something, I understood what I read. My story is a process, me making mistakes, in pride going my own way without Him, yet, He never left me. I never felt alone or unloved.
After a few years of fighting my rebellious attitude and actions, I repented and asked Him for His help in living victoriously for Him. I was done with being snared and caught up in the same sin traps that I knew broke His heart but no matter how hard I tried to escape on my own, went back to.
Following His prompting to completely surrender, trust Him, and allow the world to see, I was water baptized. Again, His mercy and grace set me free! I remember hearing in my heart, “When the Son sets you free, you are free indeed!” Our relationship grew, deepened, “fell-in-love” for lack of a better word, and then grew into committed love.
Twenty-nine years together. God has walked with me, guided me, comforted me, and at times carried me through life storms I never dreamed I would have to endure. The lie that “once you are a Christian it’s easy street” is just that. A flat out lie. His promise in Hebrews 13:5 – “I will never fail you. I will never forsake you.” sustains me. Miscarriages, adultery, abuse, depression, divorce, single-parenting, are just the tip of the iceberg of challenges Jesus has helped me through.
Will there be more trials? Without a doubt! But I am never alone and eternally loved because Jesus sacrificed His life on the cross to pay my debt of sin.
Philippians 4:13 – “For I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me” fuels me. Am I “there” yet? Not by a long shot. Christ and I are in it together, one day at a time… one prayer at a time. Until He calls me to my Heavenly home I will love, surrender, and follow Jesus Christ!