Back in 2009 I was trying to get sober. I’d been drinking for many years and letting that run my life. You know, the next high, the next drink. I would be at least drunk daily. I’d look for other things and sometimes find it, sometimes not. Whether it be like weed or ecstasy or just even over the counter stuff you can abuse. I was in legal trouble. I was living in Sioux Falls and I got kicked out of the apartment I was living in with some people. I couldn’t work at my job anymore because of the legal trouble I was in and a couple weeks before that I had lost my license because I was drunk driving. I was kind of at wit’s end there and I skipped down to Vermilion to where some high school buddies of mine were. I would still hang out with them on occasion, so I squatted at their house for like, 3 weeks. I basically planned to spend the rest of the money I had after my last paycheck and then take a bridge and jump off. Or end it because I didn’t have anywhere else to go. I thought I might be going to jail once the investigation was over. It was my last hurrah.  

I called my mom. We’d always been really close, and I let her know what was going on and where I was at, to let her know I was still alive. She and my stepdad came to Vermillion and took me out to lunch to talk to me. They’re very faithful, they’ve known Jesus for years and had been praying for me for longer than I knew. They basically said “Hey, we want you to come home and get clean because this isn’t working for you anymore.” I’m like, “Oh yeah, it’s definitely not.” But I had so much anxiety about even seeing my parents because of what I had been doing the last couple of years so I got high before I went to that lunch, and I think that took my barriers down even more than I could have had if I’d been sober. Even though I was under the influence, I think God used that moment to break through and say, “Hey, you’re doing this now and you’re going to go home, and you don’t get the choice anymore because I’m going to use you.” I didn’t hear the “I’m going to use you” part right then, but looking back now I see how God has used me. It was definitely “I’m taking the decision out of your hands ‘cause there’s something better for you.” Without a doubt it was that because it was like OK, I’m going to come home. Give me 3 days. I’ll get my stuff together and I’ll come home. There was no question in my mind that I was done.   

I was 23, living in my parents’ basement. Awesome. Very, very mature and cool. I was 24 hours sober and went to church. There there’s two parts of when God works: one is the power of other people’s prayer for you and the other side is the power that God has in your life when you give Him control and the things He can make happen within the plans you make for your life, and when they don’t work out. So the first day I went to church. This old lady who I’ve never met before, came up to me and said “We have been praying for you to come back for years. We are so happy you are here.” I was confused as all get out. No idea who this person is, and it’s like she knows me somehow and my story. You’re sober for 24 hours, you’re still under the mental drag of all the drugs and stuff. It didn’t make sense until months later when I realized my mom had been in a prayer group with these women who have been praying for me. They’re like, “this is an answer to prayer,” when I had no idea what that meant. My life had become an answer to their prayers for years that I would come home and get sober and change my life. When you’re in a spot where things really suck, or like where I was – drinking and drugging and throwing my life away – other people are praying for you and there’s power in that. Even though I didn’t know them, and they didn’t know me personally, my mother loved me and believed in a God great enough to share her son’s trials and how she felt with other believers.  

It’s been 13-14 years since then. I think back to it and remember that the power of prayer actually works, even though you’re not the one praying and you don’t know the people who are praying for you. Prayer is wide reaching, God hears it, and uses it. Before I got sober, I had signed up to go to the Air Guard out of Sioux Falls. I was really excited for that because I thought “this is my way out of this squalor I’ve been living in. I’m going to get money for college. I’m going to fix my life. I’m going to get disciplined and get a career started and go back to school.” I was trying to live life as best as I thought it could go and the way I wanted it to go. But it would reset every couple of months where I’d get in trouble or have a setback, or I’d run out of money and have to go somewhere. It just never worked out. Before going to basic I got a temporary job in Yankton and in between there I went to treatment. I always make this point where I put myself into treatment – I didn’t get court ordered to go. That’s a stupid point of pride. But I put it out there. I went to a 30-day inpatient treatment at HSC and met some people who had even crazier lives than I did and were in a very, very different boat than I was. I hate to say it, but you think about well, at least I’m not that bad. Remember our spirit is always trying to pull us towards death, always pulling away from God. I may not have been in their situation, but I was definitely just as depraved as any of the other men and women in there. It doesn’t matter what they did. God sees it all the same. I did the treatment thing, and it was really good. I learned a lot. Got out of treatment. Working for a little while for an awesome dude. Love this guy. Good man of God and he was a good influence. Then I go to basic training. The first day I’m there they have you do this survey where you fill out information on yourself. One of the questions is ‘have you ever been in inpatient treatment for drug and alcohol abuse?’ I just did that, and I was on that 12-step sober mind track where I wanted to be sober and do my right diligence. I had to be honest about this. So, I circled that bubble “yes” and then about a week later, I started getting called out to do psych evals and stuff. I made it 5 1/2 weeks through the 8-week basic training before I got separated – that’s what they call it. It’s a medical separation. It’s like you weren’t there, but you were. I’m not sure the all the terminology and how it works, but it was hard because that was supposed to be my answer to step forward into a new life and new chapter where I could get some money under my feet, get the discipline, like get away. Just getting away never works because your problems follow you.  

I didn’t know what to do. I had a construction job. Paid OK, but it wasn’t a career. I was still in my parents’ basement, sober 3-4 months. Not a lot of prospects. The weekend I was supposed to graduate basic this guy from my church invited me to go to what’s called YA-TEC (Young Adults Together Encounter Christ), it’s a weekend where teens can go and go through the all the stations of the cross, learn about faith, and what Jesus’ sacrifice did. Anybody could go, there was no age range. I was like, “Yeah, I was supposed to graduate basic this weekend, I need to get away, this sounds awesome.” It was a retreat to be immersed in spirituality and I had emotionally shut down during basic. You kind of have to to get through basic. I had to be strong, be resilient; I didn’t have the luxury of being sad or scared. Going to YA-TEC was awesome. It opened my heart up again and I remember sitting there praying one night during worship, “God open me up again, help my heart break open to see You more, to change me” It was a pivotal moment of faith. I was floating along in my sobriety trying to do it right, but my Higher power wasn’t the main thing until YA-TEC. That was the breaking moment for my heart. God came in and said, “OK, I got you out of this. You’re free now, and I’m going to use you.” I was still really jacked up, don’t get me wrong. But that was the start of my spiritual journey.  

After that night I met this girl at YA-TEC, a really, really nice young lady. She was living in Yankton, where I was from, and working at the hospital there. She didn’t know anybody and so she’s like “Oh yay! Maybe I can have a friend!” I’m like, “That’s cool, you’re a girl. I’m sworn off women for two years. I have to keep a plant alive. And then an animal alive. And then I can date because that’s part of my sober journey.” I was totally focused on the plan and getting myself right, because if I can’t take care of myself and if I can’t take care of a plant or a dog or a cat or something, then how am I supposed to take care of another person like, a girlfriend or a spouse? God definitely had different plans for that. This girl, Rachel, we met and talked and then hung out once a couple of months later. We went bowling and she was dating this guy and I was like, “That’s OK. I don’t care. I like friends that are good people.” I didn’t have a lot of friends in Yankton at that time either. 

I’m working construction and I happened to screw up and I shot myself in the hand with the nail gun. Was brand new pair of gloves too. So we went to the hospital, and I had to have surgery on my hand to get the nail out. I stayed overnight for antibiotics and stuff. I had been asking about Rachel and no one knew on day shift knew who she was because she worked nights. That night Rachel walks into my hospital room and she’s like, “Your diagnosis is nail in hand, what did you do?” I’m in my gown with my underwear on underneath and I’m like “Hi, I’m super embarrassed right now and you’re pretty.” Yeah, it was good. We hung out that night and talked a lot. I was still not on with the dating thing, but I invited her to church. We went to church a couple of times and then hung out with some friends of ours. I told her, “This is where I’m at: we’re just friends and I want you to understand that. I’m strictly not dating anyone.” She’s like, “OK, yeah, whatever. You’re going to be my boyfriend.” The night I was in the hospital she had already decided to break up with her previous boyfriend and then she saw me, and then called him and broke up. So, it seems like I stole the girl, but I didn’t, you know? We’re not even dating, and she invites me to Thanksgiving with her parents and family. That’s super weird. I’d been thinking about maybe I do want to date this girl; she’s really nice and super cool. 

I go to Thanksgiving, and her dad is this giant man. He’s like 6’4” – 6’7”, somewhere in there. He’s big. He’s got these giant hands; it looks like they could take your skull and crumple it like a soda can. Very intimidating. Quiet too. My plan that night was to ask him if I could date his daughter and it never happened because I wussed out. We’re about to leave Orange City, where she was from, and drive back home to Yankton and I said, “I was going to ask your dad if I could date you, but I just never got the chance.” She said, “Oh, really? Well, let’s go back there right now and you can ask my dad.” We go back and I knock on the door and they’re like what are you doing here? I said I need to talk to her dad real quick, and everybody stops and looks over. He comes outside, and I asked him if I could date his daughter. He was very nice about it. I asked her out in the car ride home and we started dating.  

I had a horrible resume when it came to life. I was nine months sober at that time, still in my parents’ basement, I got laid off construction because times were slow, it was winter, and I didn’t really have anything going else in my life. I’d been applying for jobs and stuff but I looked like junk. This is where God’s plan comes in. This was no longer my plan, especially once basic failed, that was the moment of feeling like I tried, and nothing works. “Do not lean on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him.” That became my life verse because I figured out that whenever I tried to do anything and lead through my own way of doing things, the way I saw the world, the way I understood things, it always ended up badly. After basic and then having my heart opened again. I said “OK, whatever. You can do what You need to do, because obviously I have not been able to manage my own life. You probably have a better idea of what to do. You have a better path for me.” He definitely did. It ended up being this wonderful woman. I met her the night I was supposed to graduate basic training, and then through a nail in the hand. Yeah, we just hit it off; six months later we’re engaged, and four months after that, we’re married. In October, it’ll be thirteen years and we have 4 beautiful children and chickens and a dog and a house. Through the entirety of that I’ve had decisions to make and things to talk about and do in life, but when you let God lead, there seems to be always a place where you can go that He has picked out for you or a path that you’re supposed to walk in. It can be really hard, but when you really release control, He can do a lot of work. Mine is a fairy tale story and not everybody’s is like that. I did a lot of hard stuff before and then even during this our son had cancer. He’s good now. God’s plans are good and for good, but hard things still happen. Even in walking in God’s plan, life is still life, but letting Him take control of it is so important because He puts you in places where you need to be if you let Him. If you decide to walk in those paths, He can bless them beyond your wildest dreams. My wife and I are a really good team and I know he put this team together. He put us together. He brought this family into being and it’s been a wild ride where you don’t know where you’re going and I thank him for constantly leading us and keeping us humble and open enough to walk in the places that he’s the paths that He’s given us.